Open Heart/Closed Fist

On Thursday, June 9th, I will be on a panel for SAWCC (South Asian Women's Creative Collective) called "Open Heart/Closed Fist: Sikh Women Speak Out on Faith and Feminism." It'll be at the Asian American Writers' Center at 7pm. There's more information on the SAWCC website, but here's the blurb:

From the Middle East to the Midwest, revolution is spreading.  Women of all faiths have joined radicals in solidarity, even as their own rights come under fire by conservative elements.  But besides the images we see—women in hijab with their fists raised in Tahrir Square; women of all races with their fists raised in Madison—what about the women we don’t see, women who advocate for themselves and their sisters in the homes, gurudwaras, mosques, and temples?  What does it mean to be religious and radical? 

In this panel, author Neesha Meminger (Jazz in Love), community organizer Tejpreet Kaur (Sikh Coalition), and blogger Simran Kaur (thelangarhall.com) will discuss the ways in which their work explores issues of faith and feminism, particularly in the diaspora.

I'm delighted to be on this panel and super excited to meet my co-panelists. I think women of all backgrounds struggle with this concept of allegiance--when do I speak out? Who gets thrown under the bus if I raise this issue? Usually the answer is "me." But because girls everywhere are taught to first think of others, then ourselves, or to be compliant, acquiescent, "good" girls, the struggle to speak up and speak out rages strong within.

I think it's going to be an awesome panel. Please join us if you can.

I'm Baaaaack

Back from L.A. and Toronto and happy that the weather has taken a turn for the warmer. It was a pleasure to see the trees in bloom and daffodils beaming in their full glory on the drive in from JFK airport.

The Toronto events were lovely and I had a wonderful time with friends and family. Here are pictures from the Toronto Women's Bookstore event, featuring Zetta Elliott on the left, myself in the center, and Vivek Shraya next to our moderator, Annmarie Shrouder:

Blogger Niranjana Iyer has a great post on the panel and her thoughts on self-publishing here.

One of the more interesting conversations I had at the Saturday book-signing at Chapters/Indigo-Yordale was with a teen. We got onto the topic of bullying and harassment in school and she said that the worse type of "bullying" she ever experienced (her school is predominantly people of colour) was in the form of verbal and sometimes physical harassment from male peers. The terms most often used to denigrate young women are the same ones that were used when I was in high school - "slut", "bitch", "whore", etc.

And just today, Teen Voices posted this article about teenage domestic violence which points to the same type of harassment targeting young women. Here's an excerpt:

Ask a group of teenage girls how many terms of abuse are directed at them in school on a regular basis and they struggle to answer. Every week, they say, boys and young men in their peer group add a new phrase to their lexicon of disrespect.

"At my school we hear three words, slut, sket and slag, every day. It's got so it's not worth challenging it, it is not worth arguing about because it just doesn't change anything," said Bea Larby, 15 [... ] 

"Sket" sites, where pictures of girls are posted by vengeful ex-boyfriends, often in compromising situations, are set up on Facebook and other networking sites, or the images are circulated on smart phone messaging systems, along with a request to give marks out of 10 for the "sket" or "bitch".

'One girl, her ex posted naked pictures of her and sent them around the school,' said Larby. "She left school because everyone thought she was a sket, she used to get bullied in corridors. People would say, look there she goes that sket, but no one did anything to stop it."

The one thing that struck me from my recent visit to a high school in L.A., the conversation in Canada, and the above-linked article was that many things--like this sort of bullying and harassment--have held strong since my days in high school. And as long as power imbalances remain the same in the larger world--with media images depicting young women as racialized and sexualized objects, this type of bullying will keep a stronghold on each new generation of young people.

Raising awareness among young people is important, but equally important is working for change on a larger, systemic level. I think that's why the publishing panel at the Toronto Women's Bookstore was so important to me. What Zetta, Vivek and I were talking about was exactly that - grassroots change, putting power back into the hands of creators, and offering different depictions of young people for young people. All three of us spoke of wanting to create the type of work we needed to see when we were young readers. It is the work of offering alternative visions and representations for young women, queer teens, working class folks, differently-abled teens . . . doors and windows into new possibilities.

If you missed the livestream of that event, you can watch it here. But I don't know how long it will be up, so catch it while you can...

Changing the Face of Publishing from Facing Out on Vimeo.

SHINE and JAZZ Giveaway

Book Smugglers is giving away a copy each of Shine, Coconut Moon and Jazz in Love . . . . Go and comment on my guest post (about why I love feminist fiction) to enter!

To Be Or Not To Be . . . Political, That Is

Fellow Deb, Sarah Ockler, put up this beautiful review of SHINE on the YA blog, The Contemps. It brought tears to my eyes because Sarah contextualized SHINE within the recent controversy surrounding the "Ground Zero Mosque" and Quran burning hoopla. And this resonated, especially, because I've been noticing, clearly stated on some agent sites, that those particular agents prefer not to work with authors who have "political" blogs, or who write "politically polarizing" posts on their blogs.

But here's the thing. For some people, being "political" is not a choice. Stating that racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, etc., exist - to some folks - is simply stating a reality, while others have the luxury (privilege) to choose not to address it, engage with it, or even acknowledge it. I'm not really sure what a polarizing political post is - maybe a call to action? But I do think it's good for agents to state their preferences, just as I think it's good for writers to continue stating their views. Because, really, there are no apolitical views.  The political runs through our day-to-day lives, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. Choosing not to write political posts IS a political act. Choosing not to see "colour" or race IS a political act. Choosing not to engage in discourse around power and privilege is exercizing that very privilege, and it is most definitely a political act.

Diasporic Discussions

Yesterday, I did a school visit with Kavitha Rajagopalan, author of MUSLIMS OF METROPOLIS (non-fiction). When she and I were chatting about our families' journeys from South Asia to the west, she said, "Wow, how diaspora!" Indeed. In the pic below are Marina Budhos, whose upcoming YA release, TELL US WE'RE HOME, just got a starred review from *Kirkus* (most of us know how elusive that star is), yours truly in the middle, and Kavitha on the right. Unlike the panel discussion with Rita Williams-Garcia, this time I actually remembered my camera!

The discussion on South Asians in the U.S. - in a post-9/11 world - was fascinating, with Ms. Rajagopalan's foreign policy expertise and our alternating fiction/non-fiction narratives. One thing I learned was that the highest number of folks rounded up under suspicion of "terrorism" (those who had Muslim names, or otherwise fit a profile) after the September 11th attacks was in New Jersey. People who'd been in the U.S. for years, working and paying taxes, woke up in the middle of the night to authorities banging on their doors and were dragged away for "questioning" or worse. These were some of the most vulnerable members of the community - low-resourced, undocumented, working class folks who wouldn't have the funds or the necessary time off work to defend themselves in court. The irony, as Ms. Rajagopalan pointed out, is that those individuals who did carry out actual acts of terrorism were often well-resourced, well financed, here on legal visas (*if* they were foreign-born), and fluent in English.

Budhos (left), Meminger (center), Rajagopalan (right)

Marina's book, a YA about three teen friends who are daughters of maids and nannies, comes out next month. It's a twist on the usual teen girl friendship tale - definitely be sure to check it out! And Kavitha's book is available now at the link above. Her non-fiction flows beautifully and is as powerful and evocative as any fiction I've ever read - an important book for anyone who wants insight into an important chapter in recent American history.

Sam's Search for Self

My allergies are clogging everything up as I hack and wheeze from pollen poisoning. So, yesterday I was home mucking around on the computer (and neglecting my kids) while the sun smiled down on the Bronx.

BUT - I have something to show for it! Whether it was worth staying in - and neglecting my kids for seven entire minutes - is up for debate. However...here's Samar, the main character from SHINE, COCONUT MOON, doing Google searches to learn more about herself, her culture, and her religion...



If you don't have allergies, hope you're out enjoying the weather! If you're like me and my kids, however, try saline - it's been a real blessing. Saline nasal spray, saline eye wash...herbal cough syrup, and lots and lots of hot tea.

Tackling Terrorism in YA

Zetta Elliott, author of A WISH AFTER MIDNIGHT, has an article up in the Huffington Post called Tackling Terrorism in Teen Lit. Ms. Elliott interviewed me for the article; here's a quote from one of my answers:

"When I was writing Shine, Coconut Moon, I decided I could not write about a Sikh family in a post-9/11 world without also addressing the events of September 11th, 2001. Everyone I knew then was deeply affected, and it was an especially confusing and disillusioning time for the teens I was meeting--particularly South Asian teens who were now thrown into the position of having to choose to either DEFEND their religion/identity, or DISTANCE themselves from it."

There was a third question that didn't make it into the final article, so Zetta posted that answer on her personal blog.

Check out both the article and Ms. Elliott's post! And be sure to leave a comment if you have something to add/contribute.

Podcast Interview

I recently did an interview with two fabulous librarians from the Mount Kisco Library in Westchester, NY. The interview, in all its thirty-seven minutes of podcast glory, is below. Or, if you can't access it here due to my technical no-how, you can check it out here. Take a listen if you want to know about how SHINE came to be, how it started, and how much it resembles (or not) my actual life ;).

The Mount Kisco Library Podcast

The Ahluwahlia Girls?

I'm delighted that Bookslut just posted a lovely review of SHINE as part of an article called "The Pains of Being Young at Heart". SHINE is compared with (believe it or not) The Gilmore Girls :). And here's a short quote:

"Timely, smart, full of snap and style, Shine, Coconut Moon is an invitation to teenage girls to stop and think about themselves and others. It’s a sly piece of writing on Meminger’s part -- a message book that doesn’t seem the slightest bit preachy. Perfect for classroom discussion and a lazy afternoon read, this is one I fell hard for."

Humour; Links

Here's a blog I discovered late last night. Diana is one of my more recent followers, and she describes her blog as being "entirely about myself. I might pick up the occasional issue and argue it weakly, but other than that, it's ALL ABOUT ME." I was cackling out loud, even when I climbed into bed. Particularly over the post about the "Ass pastries," and the one called "Tan." THANK YOU, Diana.

Canadian blogger, Niranjana Iyer, has a wonderful review of SHINE here. I love that she caught so many of the layers I consciously incorporated into the text. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, Niranjana!

And author Melissa C. Walker posted about the cover for SHINE here. I believe Melissa is the first blogger to ask me whether *I* liked my cover. I know I must not have been asked about this before, because I really scrunched up my face when I was answering. Most people want to know the story behind the cover, but rarely do I get asked how I feel about it. Thank you, Melissa, for giving me the opportunity to put it into words :).

Toronto Recap

I am back from the book signings in Toronto. I am still exhausted from the whirlwind that was two book signings, an agent meeting, an interview, and trying to squish as much family and friend time as I could in there. Clearly, this was a work trip, because the family time flopped on each occasion.

But the best part was meeting people. I met readers who were smart, adorable, warm, and SMART. I met authors who were incredibly supportive. Canadian children's/YA authors really come out to support their own, man. Among the authors to stop by were Mahtab Narsimhan, Adrienne Kress, Helene Boudreau, Bev Katz Rosenbaum, Cheryl Rainfield, and Debbie Ridpath Ohi just to name a few. Both signings had a strong show of support from the local talent. Of course, my fellow Debs were a wealth of information as usual (you ROCK, Megan!!), and I felt like I'd known them all forever -- even the ones I met for the first time. In fact, Rhonda Stapleton has a great, fun post on the signing up on her blog. It wasn't until I was reading her post that I realized I never had a butter tart!! That's a butter tart in the pic, above. It is making my mouth water RIGHT. NOW. If anyone is coming down from Toronto, please bring me some butter tarts.

The only two things I wanted to make sure I did: 1) eat Sri Lankan food, and 2) eat a couple boxes of butter tarts, and I didn't get to do either. Though I have noticed that most of my "must do" lists begin with the word "eat..."

My best friend from high school came to the second signing at the Eaton Centre, and a close friend from third grade showed up at the first signing. Both a total surprise! I had a lovely sit-down with two college friends who've done some pretty amazing, socially conscious film work since we all graduated from film school--one is a producer of documentaries and commercials, and the other does camera work for documentaries around the world (I'm so proud of you guys!). My kid brother came and hung out with me, which was SO fun (wish I could've spent more time with you, D!). And I have to give a shoutout to the reader who told me, "I checked your book out at the library, read it, then RAN to buy it from the store..." You totally made my night, Li!

The Indigo/Chapters staff was amazing, attentive, and so behind us every step of the way at both Yorkdale and the Eaton Centre. My Canadian publicist, Larissa, came to Yorkdale, "flapped" the books (which, I learned, is when you put the cover flap over the first few pages of a book so that it opens to the signing page--a small thing, but it makes a huge difference when you're signing many books), and hung out for the whole signing. We chatted about "vacationing" in remote locations and why this seems to be popular with some husbands. Larissa has been a total dream in this whole process. I also got to meet the rest of the S&S publicity folks this time around, and they are a slick, efficient, attractive bunch (just ask my kid brother who wasted no time chatting up one of the pretty associates), not to mention they are all super nice.

In between the two signings, I had a three-hour lunch with my new agent -- who is smart, gorgeous, savvy, and way taller than she looks in her Facebook picture. Her feedback on my manuscript was completely on the mark. I'm excited about our partnership, and looking forward what we can accomplish together as a team.

I missed my kids and Hollis terribly, and am completely exhausted, but it was, overall, a very productive, exciting, fun trip. Now, I dive head-first into revisions and don't come up for air for another couple of weeks!

SHINE Makes The Smithsonian List

Wow: SHINE, COCONUT MOON is on the Smithsonian Notable Books for Children 2009 list! I'm very honoured, and slightly dazed. Most unexpected for this little writer. The only other book I recognized was MARCELO IN THE REAL WORLD, which I am ashamed to say that I have not read yet (but is on my TBR pile).

What wonderful news to wake up to on a stark Saturday morning (with an impending snow storm on the horizon)!!

Quick AASL Recap

The AASL conference in Charlotte, North Carolina was, quite simply, a blast. I met with fellow authors, an agent or two, and tons of smart, dedicated, committed librarians. They stopped by the Author Pit Stop on Friday to chat, laugh, share, and get cool swag. And two dear, kind-hearted souls took pity on Shani Petroff and I (as we sat glued to our signing station) by bringing us cupcakes and champagne!

I am also *thrilled* to report that SHINE, COCONUT MOON sold out by day two of the conference. I was ecstatic by the interest, but a little sad for the librarians who stopped by hoping to buy a copy. I did sign bookmarks and postcards for them and, though it's not quite the same as a signed book, everyone went away happy.

The food in Charlotte was delicious, the people friendly, the nightlife bustling . . . but the company of fellow authors was what made the whole experience really sparkle. It is one I will definitely cherish.

Check back for pictures; coming soon!

Mystical Indians and Mythical Indians

So, I'm in between travel and wanted to post a few thoughts sparked by the last conference I went to (the NEATE one in Rhode Island). It was amazing to meet and interact with so many dedicated, caring English teachers. They were a lovely group, especially the ones in our workshop ;).

In my intro comments, I spoke a bit about how I came to write SHINE, COCONUT MOON and I wanted to share those here.

The book started out, initially, as a love letter to my eldest daughter. A while back she came home, chattering animatedly about Columbus Day. She described what she'd learned about the voyage across the Atlantic, the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria, and how Columbus discovered a strange new land, making friends with strange new people.

I held my tongue for the most part, and worked very hard to find age-appropriate ways to question and challenge some of the assumptions she was learning at school. I asked her how it's possible to discover something when there are already people there who obviously know about its existence. She nodded her head thoughtfully, pondering that one.

Everything was well and good until she said this:
"And we learned about the Indians. They lived a long time ago and they lived in teepees."

All of my composure and resolve to act as a mature parent was now in danger of crumbling. I told her that First Nations people and the indegenous people of North and South America are still alive and well, and living among us.

I could not convince her that this was true. Because somewhere in her mind, as a result of what she was being taught in school, she believed, without a doubt, that Native Americans were a myth.

I thought (okay, maybe obsessed) about this for some time afterward. I had to figure out a way to have my daughter question what she was learning without alienating herself, or making life difficult for herself in relating to her peers. I knew if that happened, I could lose her. She could easily turn her back to anything else I said down the line, because listening to me might result in painful alienation and isolation from her friends. And, as we all know, friends and social life are the MOST important things during those key, formative years.

I realized, too, that this same sort of mythification and mystification happens with "my kind" of Indians. I knew this on other levels before, but I'd never quite seen it in action before like this. I'd always known that India was romanticized in a lot of the literature I'd read. That India was portrayed as this far off, exotic land, waaaay across the ocean, with music that Madonna and the Beatles had decided to incorporate into their mega-gazillion dollar albums. This was not news to me.

What was different this time was the realization of how this affects kids in school. How, in Chimamanda Adichie's insightful words (see previous post), the "single story" shapes young minds--even in terms of their *own* identities. When, rather than looking to their own experience to define themselves, children reach, instead, for the "single story" that some teachers (many of whom are with these children more hours of the day than their own caregivers), teach from textbooks without examining its content or effects.

I don't know what the stats are on the exact percentage of kids who are bullied at school. But I would hazard a guess that a large percentage of that bullying is targeted towards children and teens who have some *identifiable* difference (race, class, not adhering to heteronormative confines, differently abled, etc). And while I love that many teachers and educators are on board with teaching children and teens about embracing and accepting difference, I am concerned that, at least in terms of race and multicultural education, that difference is still about "exotic others" living in far off lands.

For instance, teaching children about Guatemalan children feeding their animals in Guatemala doesn't necessarily help Guatemalan children here, dealing with their peers on a day to day basis. Likewise, my daughter learns at school about children in India and what their lives are like "over there". To her, there is absolutely NO connection between those children and her life. She looks at those children as exotic others because she doesn't identify with them. This is the same way she learned that Native Americans "lived long ago in teepees." Because the representations she saw were of Columbus's voyage, and that was all. She saw no other representations that year, or the next two after, of Native American children and/or people. She saw no images of Indigenous North American children of *today*, interacting with kids like herself and her friends.

On the other hand, if my daughter should read about or see images of South Asians in the present, navigating their daily life's challenges--challenges she can relate to and identify with--she will see herself in those depictions. And should her friends and peers read about, or see such images, they will begin to see her as a person who lives, loves, walks, and breathes among them. Not an exotic, mystical "other".

This was a huge reason I chose to write SHINE. It's also the reason I devoured novels like The House On Mango Street, The Joy Luck Club, The Absolutey True Diary of A Part Time Indian, Born Confused, The Not So Star Spangled Life of Sunita Sen, and a host of others. Though I love fantasy (and am writing two fantasy novels right now) as well as historical novels, I wanted my daughter and her friends to learn about what life is like for people here and now, when there is an obvious, identifiable difference to negotiate. And I want them to think critically about how much of that difference is real, as well as how much of it is an illusion. But they can never learn to negotiate that difference if it is always posited as being somewhere far away, or long ago, outside of their immediate experience.

Sometimes books help us find paths we never knew existed. Or allow us to dream up and forge new paths. I know some of the books listed above helped me do that, and I strive to provide the same in all of the books I write, regardless of genre. And the emails I'm getting on a daily basis let me know it's working, even if it's one little window at a time.

Rejects

I love reading rejection letters of people whose books went on to amazing success. It's just something I take great delight in. The other night, I read one of Ursula K. Leguin's:

"Ursula K. Le Guin writes extremely well, but I'm sorry to have to say that on the basis of that one highly distinguishing quality alone I cannot make you an offer for the novel. The book is so endlessly complicated by details of reference and information, the interim legends become so much of a nuisance despite their relevance, that the very action of the story seems to be to become hopelessly bogged down and the book, eventually, unreadable. The whole is so dry and airless, so lacking in pace, that whatever drama and excitement the novel might have had is entirely dissipated by what does seem, a great deal of the time, to be extraneous material. My thanks nonetheless for having thought of us. The manuscript of The Left Hand of Darkness is returned herewith."

*Hee* There's a whole list of rejections received by now famous authors, here. I particularly love the fact that Madeleine L'engle was turned down *29* times for A WRINKLE IN TIME. Well, I don't love that she was turned down so many times--I love that she was immensely successful in spite of being turned down 29 times.

I did get one letter saying that my writing was "sub-par" (yes, that one stung), but mostly I remember getting oodles of those, "Neesha Meminger writes really well, but..." letters during my search for agents and editors. Seeing LeGuin's letter made me go digging through my own pile of "declines" during SHINE subs, and I found this one:

"As promised, I read SHINE, COCONUT MOON by Neesha Meminger at my earliest convenience. I appreciate how Samar is struggling with her identity and Indian descent--I just signed up a book about a girl struggling with similar issues in [Asian country] in [historical time frame]. But Samar's struggles don't seem to be in the service of a larger plot or narrative. The early part of the book is mostly focused on [particular characters] so there's no real sense of how this will be Samar's story. And then the grandparents seem to come out of nowhere. Throughout, I really didn't get any sense of direction..."

The letter goes on for another couple of paragraphs, but it was good to read again because it reminded me, yet again, how subjective this business is. When my (amazingly gifted and talented) editor acquired SHINE, she totally "got" it. She sent me about two pages of revision notes (this is not a lot of revising for those who aren't familiar--it is not uncommon to get 10-15 pages of single-spaced notes--which is what I was expecting), and we had only one round of revisions. None of the revision notes addressed any of the above concerns, by the way.

My story clearly didn't work for that particular editor. S/he just didn't like it. And that is absolutely okay. I wouldn't want to *have* to like something I didn't like, either. But reading these letters helps to put things into perspective as you continue submitting work and receiving feedback. This goes for anything in life, not just writing. More and more, I am convinced that believing in oneself and persistence are the two main ingredients that make up a successful [insert career choice or life passion here].

This is why it's SO important to hone that inner voice that tells you to stick to what you *know* is true. And to not make changes that don't align with your vision for your work. But to incorporate the ones that do.

It's a reminder for all of us to keep pressing on, and to believe in that little voice that just knows.

Blogfest 2009 Continues!

As I mentioned in a previous post, Simon & Schuster is doing their Blogfest 2009. Here is a sneak peek at some of the questions I've answered so far:

What made you start writing?
A: I started writing to give voice to those who couldn’t find the words themselves – to write myself and those I loved into existence in a way...

Have you ever just wanted to give up?
A: Yes, many times. Maybe even on a daily basis. And as soon as I make the solid, no-turning-back
decision to quit...

If you could have any super power, what would it be?
A: I would love to go back and visit my ancestors, and to actually be able to live in their time for a short, definite period. So much of who we are and where we are is because of the decisions the people before us have made...

How has writing affected your daily life?
A: Writing has always been a life raft for me. It is a form of expression that is as necessary as breathing. It allows me to...

Go visit and comment -- and please share your own experiences!

Gossip Girls Read SHINE

I've received many requests for the backstory to the above pictures, and I'm finally getting my behind in gear and putting it down for you.

As some of you know, my husband works on the show as a camera assistant. Back in March, when my book first came out, he was blabbing about it all over the set. The girls, Blake Lively, Jessica Szohr, and Leighton Meister, had mentioned that they wanted a copy of SHINE, COCONUT MOON shortly after it came out. Several of them wanted to come to my book launch last March at Bluestockings in New York -- Jessica, in particular, was hoping to make it, but had a Dove commercial scheduled the same night.

So, recently, Gossip Girl was shooting at McNally Jackson Books in Manhattan. My husband decided to ask if they happened to have a copy of SHINE, COCONUT MOON. And they did--face out!

The hubs exclaimed, "Hey, look! They have a copy of my wife's book!" People began clapping and there was some excitement from the cast and crew (SO sweet).

One of the crew members bought a copy and asked if I would sign it. Jessica flipped through his copy (the bookstore said they had sold out) and asked if I would sign one for her, too.

Then Blake and Leighton asked for their own copies, as well. The hubs texted me immediately and asked if I would sign copies for them. Duh *grin*.

Of course, I signed the copies, and the next day the hubs got these pictures when they were shooting at Sotheby's on the Upper East Side.

The girls were incredibly warm and said they couldn't wait to read SHINE. Jessica also said she'd get back to me with her thoughts when she was finished reading.

Another of the girls, Yin Chang, who plays the character of Nelly Yuki on the show, also designed a custom onyx and moonstone necklace for me to wear for the SHINE book launch at Bluestockings Bookstore. Yin bought her copy at the launch and read it the week after--she said she missed her stop on the train because she was so absorbed in the story!

So there you have it: the story behind the images. The girls are terrific and I'm delighted for their success on the show.

Greece Is the Word

Today, a message from Greece:

"hey, are you the writer who wrote shine, coconut moon? do you know if it's coming to Greece?"

I would LOVE for SHINE to come to Greece. Keep watching this blog or join the SHINE page on FB for updates. There are some coming soooon!

Are We Family?

Yesterday, I went into an "Indian fashion shop" (not actual name) to search for outfits for my girls. We're going to a gigantus Indian wedding in a week and it's the first one my girls will attend. They are thrilled and excited. All of it enthralls them: the mayaan, or "henna evening" with the women, the colorful, glittering fabrics, the bindis, the food, the music, the gathering of family and community . . .

Me? Not so much. Don't get me wrong. I love Indian weddings. Not so crazy about the drama. Anyway. We walk into the store and my girls go nuts looking through the racks and the bangles and the earrings and such. The store clerk smiles and begins to show them outfits she thinks they'll like. I veer them toward the outfits I know are more affordable.

All is well until one of my daughters holds an outfit against herself and admires it in the mirror. She beams. The outfit is dazzling. It has a long skirt and is in her favourite colour--fuschia. "Do I look like a princess, Mommy?"

The store clerk turns to one of her colleagues and, in Punjabi, says, "that colour doesn't work with the child's dark skin."

Well.

Before I can think about it I fire out, in Punjabi, "Oh, that colour works just fine on the child. What doesn't work on dark skin are your blue contact lenses."

She has the decency to be embarrassed. "Oh--you speak Punjabi! You . . . you don't look like you're Indian."


Okay. This, I've heard plenty in my life. But rarely has it come from another Indian, Punjabi, Sikh woman*. A woman who sees Indian, Punjabi, Sikh people all day long, who goes to various parts of South Asia to shop for the outfits that hang on her racks. I've been to India. I know that Indian, Punjabi, Sikh people vary in skin shade from very European-looking to very African-looking. In fact, in my own family, my mother often passes for Italian or Spanish, while my father has been called many derogatory names used for those who are of the darker persuasion in India. So . . . what exactly was this woman referring to when she said I didn't "look Indian"? It was my turn to be stunned.

The experience made me think a lot about family--both chosen and biological. This upcoming wedding is bringing up a lot of issues for me about belonging and family and community. Much like Sharan, the main character's mother, in SHINE, COCONUT MOON, I had a bit of a rocky path with both family and community. Most of my life choices did not sit well with either.

And then this store clerk -- making a quick judgement about me and my daughter both, in one fell swoop. On the one hand, I was grateful that my daughter doesn't speak the language and, therefore, didn't understand what the clerk said. I know how painful it was to hear things like that as I was growing up. It definitely leaves a lasting imprint.

But on the other hand, the language, the culture, the traditions, the spirit of the ancestors . . . these are her birthright. And regardless of what some ignoramuses say or think, she is entitled to them. As am I.

As I walked out of that store (and went into another where we bought our outfits), I was full of gratitude. I thanked whoever or whatever watches over us for helping me find like-minded souls in the world who eventually became my family and community. Like-minded souls who came in all colours, all genders**, and with varying life experiences. But I only found them when I stepped away. Made the decision to follow my own truth and my own path. Some things are just non-negotiable, you know? Sometimes you have to walk away to save yourself.

I hope for the same for my children: that they search for the light and love first, and everything else second.

*I knew she was Sikh because of the various symbols used to identify Sikhs. The "five K's," as detailed in SHINE, for instance.
** Yes, "all." I prescribe to the belief that gender is fluid and part of a continuum.

The SHINE Cover Story

Susan over at Coloronline reposted a wonderful review of SHINE, COCONUT MOON by teen blogger, MissAttitude, a.k.a. Ari (I love that she has a "Male Monday" theme).

In the comments thread, a couple of people mentioned that they were disappointed or upset by the cover. I've heard this complaint before -- the cover has been described as "exploitive" and "objectifying" of young women.

And I don't disagree. I've written bits and pieces here and there about the SHINE cover story, but here is the full background:

When my editor first asked me about my thoughts on a cover, I said, "I'm fine with just about anything as long as it's not a headless woman." You can see, by looking at the cover, how far my opinion went *grin*.

My editor said that she had suggested the cover have an image of a "modern-looking" Indian teen. However, this idea was poo-pooed because another South Asian novel came out in the same year with an Indian woman's face on the cover. So, in order to make my novel stand out and be noticed, they went with a whole different image.

My editor emailed me, saying, "I really hope you love this cover as much as we do. We think teens will snatch it off the shelves."

I have to say that she's probably right. When I think back to my teen self, I would have positively drooled upon finding a cover like SHINE's in a large, mainstream bookstore, right there next to bestsellers and glossy novels that had been made into films. To find the sexy, tough, hip image of a South Asian teen girl was unheard of when I was a teenager, and when I look around at the shelves of bookstores today, I'm afraid not much has changed.

For South Asian women, it's a bit of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, we're absolutely thrilled that there is SOME representation--especially if that representation is not of the usual, passive, submissive, sari-clad, new-immigrant variety we're used to seeing on television and in movies. On the other hand, yes, it absolutely objectifies young women as does all of the mainstream media we see every single day.

I feel so strongly about the issue of objectification of women that I may have fought harder on the cover issue, if I hadn't had another--to me, more important--battle to wage: the back cover photo was an image of Krishna, the Hindu deity. Some non-South-Asians may see an image of Krishna and see no problem with it representing the entire vast swath of brownness that is the South Asian diaspora. However, South Asians come in many different shades, languages, and religions.

SHINE is about a Sikh family. The battle to have the back cover changed was absolutely necessary for me to fight for a number of reasons. But the main one being that South Asian history (not unlike other geographical regions) has been rife with butchery over religion, and one very recent period was in the eighties, between Hindus and Sikhs around the invasion of a Sikh temple and the subsequent assassination of then Prime Minister Indira Gandhi.

Keeping the image of Krishna could have been seen as a positive thing, or it could have been seen as an insult, depending on who was looking at it. I didn't want to take that risk. It's a volatile issue, and I didn't want it to become the focus of a novel that deals with the post-9/11 Sikh experience in the U.S., particularly as it relates to three generations of Punjabi, Sikh women.

Thankfully, my editor gave me her unwavering support, and took my feedback to the cover designer and whoever else needed to know these things. The back cover was changed to a gorgeous, sensual image of a young woman dancing. I was delighted.

Let me just say, here, that the bigger battle for me was the one about accuracy. Having an image of a Hindu deity on a book about a Sikh family was not about opinion or interpretation. It was just wrong, as in it was inaccurate. And that would have been a misrepresentation of the contents of my novel. For that, I was willing to battle till the very end (luckily, I did not have to). The image of a headless woman? Well, that is problematic on another level, but does it inaccurately represent the contents of my novel? Not really. If we'd nudged the camera up just a teeny bit, we'd have had a young couple: a hip, young, Indian-American woman and her boyfriend.

I've seen posts up in the blogosphere about Justine's cover for LIAR--about the fact that yes, the publisher changed the cover to reflect the African-American protagonist, but that's not enough because the model still fits the (white) ideal of beauty.

All true. I absolutely agree. The images of Black and brown people are habitually air-brushed to be lighter, our features finer, and our hair straighter in the same way that women's bodies are air-brushed to be thinner, with bigger breasts, flawless skin, longer legs, etc. This (what I refer to as the) "selling of lies" is a huge, very prevalent problem in our society. The damage of these acts is enormous and takes a tremendous toll on the health of our society as a whole (I'll do another post on this at some point).

On the other hand, I completely understand that Justine waged the battle about accuracy and misrepresentation. The light-skinned model on the cover with the curly hair is a whole other layer that we haven't even gotten to. I'm not saying we should not rage and voice our dissatisfaction. We absolutely must. That is what creates the ripples of change we so desperately need. What I'm saying is that we, as creative-types who must sell our work in a consumer-driven set-up, are having many, many battles thrown our way on a daily basis. We make decisions about which of these battles to take on, while at the same time retaining some version of our health and sanity.

The battles around representation are critical--they are also about accuracy. Most images we see on billboards and in magazines have been touched up to reflect the prevailing ideals of beauty and cultural acceptability. Women actors in Hollywood, for example, must always be shorter than their male leads. Because of this, camera angles and apple boxes are used to create that illusion, even if the female lead happens to be taller. Why? To support some archaic notion of women as smaller, helpless, in need of a bigger male protector? Could be. But the key word there is "illusion." As in not real. Inaccurate.

When there are so many inaccuracies, sometimes we have to start with the big, glaring ones and work our way up--always, always keeping in mind that this is a long term process. My dad always said, "It's better to fight smart than to fight hard." I'm often reminded of his words as I navigate both my personal life, as well as my professional and creative one.